{"id":12,"date":"1999-12-30T10:00:12","date_gmt":"1999-12-30T10:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/10.14.0.21\/website\/wordpress\/?p=12"},"modified":"1999-12-30T10:00:12","modified_gmt":"1999-12-30T10:00:12","slug":"the-small-screen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/?p=12","title":{"rendered":"The Small screen"},"content":{"rendered":"

These are some elderly posts saves from oblivion by myself – they were originally written for silicon village way back in 1999 – over 10 years ago now!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The mists clear slightly, revealing an expanse of desk, with several buttons on them. Immediately in front of the big desk there is a small desk, quite likely having spawned from the same tree, and it has been severely designed. Behind that desk well, there wasn\u2019t another desk but there was certainly the type of person that possibly would be found sitting behind this type of desk. For the moment he is scribbling down several words on some paper, crossing them out and substituting the ones that managed to survive this literary onslaught.<\/p>\n

A small demon arrives in front of him on the desktop, knocking over his pot of ink all over his papers and down onto his quite expensive looking robe.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou stupid creature!\u201d screamed the GuildMaster, \u201cI\u2019m going to have to wash it all again!\u201d
\n\u201cEep!\u201d replies the demon, apologetically.
\n\u201cWell, I\u2019d better clear this mess up!\u201d He twiddles his fingers and the inkstains vanish before his eyes. He looks down on his robe and sighs, \u201cIts a real shame magic don\u2019t help you clean your clothes too!\u201d. He removes his robe, just in time to find Zarabeth materialise in front of him with a wicked grin on her face.
\n\u201cWe must really stop meeting like this!\u201d blushes the Guildmaster.
\n\u201cWell, I can always arrange for us to meet on the haystack in the farm if you wish.\u201d smiles Zarabeth gently.
\n\u201cEep!\u201d the demon boggles.
\nThe Guildmaster finally twiddles his fingers and a locker appears from mid-air into which he puts his robe. He closes the door and waits a few seconds. He then opens the door and pulls out a nice clean robe, \u201cThankyou\u201d he says absently to the now fading locker as he re-wears the robe.
\nThe Guildmaster looks at the demon and says,\u201dYou ready?\u201d
\nThe demon nods slowly.
\n\u201cOk,\u201d says the Guildmaster, \u201clet\u2019s think how to do this\u2026 Hmmm . . . Ahh!\u201d The Guildmaster smiles.
\nThe demon gives a final, \u201cEep!\u201d and fades away.<\/p>\n

\u201cRight, now he\u2019s gone\u2026\u201d starts Zarabeth.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot now! The others will be here soon!\u201d hisses the Guildmaster, \u201cAnyway, it will only cause Bloodlust to get upset\u201d
\n\u201cYou mean he would attack you for me? And you don\u2019t want to die?\u201d says Zarabeth
\n\u201cWell\u2026 The first part is possibly correct, but the second\u2026 …Well I would hate to have to refuse him his quest item\u2026\u201d he grins lamely.
\n\u201cOoohhh! You wouldn\u2019t!\u201d gasps Zarabeth
\n\u201cIts a possibility I Haven\u2019t overlooked yet\u201d he replies grimly.
\n\u201cAnyway, the reason I\u2019m here is\u2026\u201d Zarabeth starts to whisper to the Guildmaster\u2026
\nTen minutes later, some of the other people start to arrive. It looks like its going to be a busy evening on Avatar, with plenty of items being stashed away into poor, unsuspecting, lockers.<\/p>\n

Zarabeth clears her throat.
\nNo-one appears to pay any attention.
\nZarabeth taps her foot\u2026
\nMost of the conversations stop in limbo,except for one\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cWell Vick, you know what you need here is an expurgelated grommet flanger\u201d burbles Optimist the Mushroom Man quite happily, knowing no-one else really has a clue as to what he\u2019s on about.
\n\u201cWell, could be, could be..\u201d replies Vick, \u201cBut i really thi..\u201d
\n\u201cWell you know how it is don\u2019 \u2013 Arghhhh!\u201d interrupts Optimist, Just before the full force of a large fireball disintegrates his assumed form.
\nToasted mushrooms float about before they crumble to dust.
\n\u201cHumph \u2013 I hate being ignored!\u201d mutters Zarabeth.
\nOptimist arrives slightly well done with smoking hair, \u201cOk I\u2019ll shut up!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight! You lot!\u201d says Zarabeth, \u201cLocker Inspection!\u201d
\nWorried glances pass their way from person to person.
\n\u201cHowever, to make it a little more interesting, I\u2019ve decided to make a competition out of it!\u201d smiles Zarabeth, sweetly.
\nGloom tries to whisper something to Lathspell, who is suddenly disconnected! Gloom frowns at Zarabeth\u2026
\n\u201cNot me!\u201d she says, \u201cprobably had a disconnection from the Missus\u201d
\nAt this point several players shudder\u2026
\n\u201cOk you lot, sit behind the large table and then we\u2019ll get started!\u201d
\nFor a moment there is an altication between several of the players, Optimist and Gloom try to occupy the same chair at the same time and have become entangled with the aforementioned chair. Bits of Chair, Gloom and Optimist stick out at various and eye-watering angles.<\/p>\n

At this point Zarabeth is getting annoyed. You can tell, by the way smoke is coming out of her ears. \u201cRight you two, atten-tion!\u201d she screams to Optimist and Gloom.
\nGloom, Optimist and the chair stand to attention. Zarabeth twiddles her fingers and Optimist finds himself chained to a chair. Gloom also notices that he is chained to one too, however he is gagged as well. Vick whispers something to Zarabeth, and the gag vanishes, only to be replaced by a muzzle.<\/p>\n

Vick is getting bored, its been too long since he\u2019s played captive.
\nZarabeth announces, “Ok, lets get started – Vick, you stay exactly where you are or no captive disk when you get back…”.
\nVick slinks back into his chair, looking white.<\/p>\n

A locker appears from nowhere!
\nZarabeth opens the locker, and everyone strains to peer inside it. Not surprisingly the lomah locker is black inside. Optimist whispers to Vick, “Nice demonstration of n-dimensional physics there Vick, you…” and then shuts up at a burning glare from Zarabeth.
\nZarabeth pulls out a small greetings card and passes it to the players. It reads, “To the executioner, with love!”
\nOptimist thinks, “ummm…..”
\nGloom says, “Its Me!”
\nVick looks at Gloom and laughs!
\nBulgingPecs wonders why Vick is laughing at Gloom, surely Gloom is the bravest player on the game?
\nBulgingPecs thinks, “It must be either Merchant or Achelous!”
\nZarabeth says, “You’re getting warm…”
\nBulgingPecs is visibly sweating now.
\nZarabeth says, “ok, next clue!”
\nZarabeth pulls out a huge bottle marked, “Sugarpie’s all purpose medicinal pleasurer and repairer”
\nSeveral of the players wonder just how this is taken…
\nOptimist mutters to Gloom, “I somehow don’t think Merchant will have bought that…”
\nBulgingPecs farshouts, “Its gotta be Achelous!”
\nZarabeth claps and announces, “You’re red hot!”
\nBulgingPecs suddenly and spontaneously combusts, all that is left is a little wisp of smoke.
\nZarabeth says, “Oops…”
\nVick says, “Zara, will you stop frying people please, It’ll make the barbecue an unwanted feature at the meets…”
\nBulgingPecs arrives, without a tan.
\nBulgingPecs sniffs, “It’ll take me an age to get that brownness back!”<\/p>\n

A camera fades in, shortly followed by JeremyBeadle.
\nMultiple groans are heard from those attending.
\nOptimist says, “Hi there JEZ!”
\nJeremyBeadle frowns in Optimists direction.<\/p>\n

Zarabeth makes another locker appear and opens it…
\nShe removes a selection of DuraSteel knives, some black cloaks and a large fluffy garrotte.
\nSilence breaks out in limbo, everyone is looking at the floor – except for Daisi, who didn’t know who the stuff belonged to, she she asked Dai, “Who’s stuff is that?”
\nDai shifts silently up to Zarabeth and snatches his comfort garrotte off her with a loud, “Mine!” and vanishes as silently as he arrived.
\nOptimist tries to convey his feelings about that last departure, but he is hindered because of a microphone wedged up his nose. “Dell dot aboud dad? Id wuddent ha tdho dat hed be tdhe dype!”
\nJeremyBeadle looms closer with another microphone, “Lets make it a pair…Hehahaheh!”
\nOptimist screams!
\nGlooM dives to protect Optimist, but misses and nosedives into his mushroom tray. Mushrooms float everywhere! Pink ones, green ones, large ones, small ones – All totally illegal, Reagan noticed.
\n“Right! Its the cells for you m’lad!” he says in his best policeman tone of voice, “let’s be having you!”
\nVick sneezes – he’s particularly allergic to the red spotted mushrooms, and they abruptly all change to yellow fluffy ducklings!
\nOptimist hides behind Coloumbus, who has just arrived, late!
\n“Sorry I’m late Zarabeth, but you know what the gateway traffic is like!”
\nReagan hasn’t yet noticed the fact that Columbus has arrived and mistakes him for his felon! He slaps handcuffs on Columbus and fades off to the cells!<\/p>\n

Dai, Bunny and Foedo chose this moment to make their proper arrival. The fluffy ducklings float towards them.
\n“Right, this is a non-assassin organised competition – We demand payment, Boyo!” Try as they might is is simply too difficult to look imposing with several fluffy ducklings floating around at head height.
\n“This simply is not on”, burbles Foedo, “Who organised this charade without informing us?”
\nJeremyBeadle says, “Charades? Ok, I’ll be Michael Aspel and we’ll call it ‘Give us a clue’!”
\nZarabeth is now fuming – Several people near her are backing away and fading off – Vick vanishes quite rapidly.
\nBunny bounces up to Optimist and shouts over to Dai, “Sir – thats 5 counts of GBH on this person alone! And we’ve<\/em> not even started!”
\nDai looks over at Optimist’s predicament and smiles, “Good!”
\nFoedo examines GlooM and wonders who gave him the muzzle.
\nDai shouts, “Ok, our payment off each of you for this offence to our guild, is 100pbs each… Anyone defaulting on the payment and we start hacking ‘bits’ off”, he glares meaningfully at BulgingPecs.<\/p>\n

All the players vanish to lomah to hunt their lockers… All apart from… Zarabeth!
\nThe assassins look at her, she looks back, only slightly steaming now.
\nZarabeth announces, “100pbs?” in the most meaningful way she could, by way of making the others ears ring loudly.
\nDai harumphs, “Well, just for you I can give you 100 easy installments, at 100% compound interest, seeing as you’re an important dignatory and all that…”
\nZarabeth purples…
\nShe makes a curtain appear around herself and the assassins, and then the curtains close…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

These are some elderly posts saves from oblivion by myself – they were originally written for silicon village way back in 1999 – over 10 years ago now! The mists clear slightly, revealing an expanse of desk, with several buttons Continue reading The Small screen<\/span>→<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,9],"tags":[13,16,35],"class_list":["post-12","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-avatar","category-writing","tag-avatar","tag-comedy","tag-writing"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jgt.me.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}